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Words of Wisdom

The Signs of Springfield

We all see them, we love them, we laugh at them. They are the signs of Springfield, sometimes brutally honest, other times just plain ridiculous. They make us laugh, they make us think. But most of all they reflect this fictional town, its fictional inhabitants, and its very real symbolism.

Wall E. Weasel
We Cram Fun Down Your Throat
("Radio Bart")

Suicide Notes
Formerly "Good Vibrations"

First Church of Springfield
God Welcomes His Victims
("Hurricaine Neddy")

Championship Boxing
Tasteful Attire Prohibited
("The Homer They Fall")

Flanders' Stupid Left Hand Shop
("When Flanders Failed")

We Salute the American Worker
Now 61% Drug Free!
("Mr. Plow")

Adult Education Annex
We Take the "Dolt" Out of A-dolt Education
("Secrets of a Successful Marriage")

Try Our New Beef-Flavored Chicken!
("Lisa the Vegetarian")

Toxic Waste
Do Not Eat
("Marge vs. the Monorail")

I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm!
("The Day the Violence Died")

First Church of Springfield
No Shoes
No Shirt
No Salvation
("Bart Sells His Soul")

Springfield Penitentiary
America's Fastest Growing Prison
("Cape Feare")

Springfield Retirement Castle
Thank You For Not Discussing the Outside World
("Bart vs. Thanksgiving")

Welcome to Lake Springfield
No Mercury Dumping Without Permit
("Homer Loves Flanders")

Fallout Boy Auditions Here
Well, not here...inside
("Radioactive Man")

Slot Car Heaven
1/24 the Size--3/5 the Fun
("Radioactive Man")

Siskel & Ebert, the Movie
"Two Thumbs Up"--Siskel & Ebert
("Burns' Heir")

The Creamatorium
Ice Cream Store
("Burns' Heir")

Conformco, Brain Deprogrammers
A Subsidiary of Mrs. Fields' Cookies
("Burns' Heir")

The Happy Earwig Motel
Our Crawlspace is Now Body Free
("Burns' Heir")

Re-Neducation Center
Where the Elite Meet to Have Their Spirits Broken
("Treehouse of Horror V")

Grade F Meat
Ingredients:  mostly circus animals, some filler
("Treehouse of Horror V")

Sign Ahead
("Homer's Odyssey")

Springfield Cemetary
Come For the Funerals
Stay For the Pie
("'Round Springfield")

152 Americans Can't Be Wrong
("'Round Springfield")

Springfield Chili Cook-off
Please lick spoons clean after each use
("El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer")

Olympia Dukakis & Bo Derek
"Too Many Grandmas!"
("Burns, Baby Burns")

Books!  Books!  And Additional Books!
Today's Special:
("Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy")

All Creatures Great and Cheap
("Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy")

Springfield Retirement Castle
Where the Elderly Can Hide From the Inevitable
("Old Money")

Grandma's World
For the Old Lady in All of Us
("Old Money")

Discount Lion Safari
If You Can Find a Cheaper Lion, You Must Be in Africa
("Old Money")

Springfield Dump
No Littering
("In Marge We Trust")

I know this list is a bit short. I am working from memory rather than stealing them from somewhere, so whenever I see an episode I will add to this. If you remember something that I don't have here, please send it to me. I would like to have this list as complete as possible. Thank you.

Phil Reed
United States

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