Well hello there. You have stumbled onto my FAQ. You may wonder why I have an FAQ. Well, the thing is everyone else has one, so why shouldn't I? I mean really, it's only fair. Why should everyone else have the opportunity to waste valuable web space on a listing of pointless questions that nobody reads anyway, while I have to go and use it for something productive? Well, keep in mind that this is just for fun. I hope you enjoy it as much as Lauren and I enjoyed writing it. Looking for Simpsons questions? There's another section on this site that will answer all that fun stuff for you. But as long as you're here, let's twaddle.

Where's the beef?
In the cow.
Who sells sea shells down by the sea shore?
Sally
Use the word "twaddle" in a sentence.
Sally's sell of seashells is in a state of twaddle.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
A mouth full.
What's so bad about Yanni?
His hair looks really weird.
What three words describe you best?
different, the same, quiet, loud
More attractive:  George Wendt or the Chinese guy from Happy Days?
George.
Did you just see that?
Ah! i did! Did you just see that, too? Wasn't it incredible? Wow. There really are such things as miracles...
What is mutton?
It's sheep stomach with all of the contents inside. All of it is mushed up and put inside a can. ew ew ew ew 
Does this dress make me look fat?
I didn't want to tell you...
Paper or plastic?
Paper. With a plastic handle.
Is there a pot at the end of the rainbow?
Let me ask the stoner...
Flipper fan?
Nope, no fish fetish here.  I’m no sexual deviant.  Just give me a whip and collar and I’m happy.
Believe in angels?
I do not don’t not stop refraining without no state of believing in angels.  (huh?)
Who's that guy...?
Oh, that guy!  That guy with the thing!  In that place!  With that girl!  I have no idea who you are talking about.
What's that thing on your arm? The left arm. Upper. Near the shoulder.  Look.
Oh, that thing?  That’s Burt, my pet boil.  Burt will now type the rest of these questions.
You like Yogi?
Yogi and I had a falling out a few years back  I’d rather not talk about it, thank you.
Ever had a rabbit?
I’m a vegetarian.
Do you believe in magic?
Does magic believe in me?
Does the web have spiders?
Define spiders.  If by spiders you mean "no spiders" then yes, it's covered in them.
Isn't kevin too old to be 'Home Alone' part 3?
I don’t think those movies were going for realism...
What is the capital of Guam?
Maug
How do you feel when I do...THIS?
Like i wanna scream.
What the hell were you thinking?
I wasn't.
Ew...don't touch me!
Sorry 'bout that.
Who wrote the Book of Love?
Definitely not me.
Have you seen my wallet?
Look in your bottom drawer. i hid it...
Would you LIKE to see my wallet?
Sure, why not.
Ever watched Seaquest?
Yeah, right.  Half as much as I watched Cop Rock.
What's your longest scar from?
I have no scars...sorry to disappoint you...maybe next time
How far can you bend your fingers back? (don't break 'em)
What the hell sort of measuring tool am I supposed to use to find the answer to this one?
What's the most vulgar phrase you've ever yelled at your television?
Wouldn’t it be more interesting to know what its response was?
What's that nasty stuff at the bottom of your bathtub?
First of all...may I ask what the hell you were doing in my bathtub?
Ever had a contact stuck in your eye?  
Yes...not mine though.  It was my girlfriend’s...really awkward moment there.
What kind of bug was that?
That would be the...umm...green one.  But you may know it by its scientific name:  the ugly one.
Are you superstitious?
I am the superstitiousesest.
Say 'unique New York' outloud three times fast. (feel stupid?) 
VERY.
What does God look like to you?
Remarkably like sagebrush...
Do you spit a lot?
I’m the spitting image of my father!  (har har)  I’m spit-tacular!  (groan)  I’m just an innocent spittle boy!  (okay, now it’s getting old.)
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
It wasn't that good, was it?
Cutest toe...?
Second to the last.
Point to your spleen.
See next question.
What the hell is a spleen?
Exactly.
What are your last words going to be?
"Look, ma, no hands!"
What's a four letter word for "attract?"
Draw.
Who do you want to be the last person you look at?
I can pick anybody?  Hmm, I don’t know...jeez...I hate them all...
What's for dinner?
Lunch.
Ever spilt Jello in your lap?
Twice.
Ever spilt Jello in your lap twice?
Once.
Don't you hate people who are redundant and say the same thing twice?
With a passion.
Why are men such jerks?
Because woman are so sweet. =) it all has to balance out, you see.
25 or 6 to 4?
25
In Billy Joel's "Piano Man," what was the name of the bartender?
Phil Muggs.
Ever talked to an actor online?
Why yes, every time I go into a chat room there’s some dirty old man acting like he’s a buxom 13 year old with an itchy bra strap.  But that’s not what you meant, is it?
How's bob?
He’s dead, Jim.
Can you sing like Mariah Carey?
I think the real question here is, "Can Mariah Carey sing like ME?"
I just crushed my finger.
Into a fine powder?
Ouch.
Here, lemme kiss it.
Where are your wisdom teeth?
Okay, now I am no medical doctor or anything, or dentist, or whatever you call those guys, and I may be putting my entire reputation as a body mapper on the line here, but I am going to go all the way out on that limb and say:  in your mouth.
Point to your duodenum.
::pointing to duodenum:: (okay, not really)
Who wants Trident?
I do! I do! (geeeeeez....)
More masculine:  Elton John, RuPaul or Richard Simmons?
RuPaul.
A pickle, a pickle, my kingdom for a pickle.
An olive, an olive, my castle for an olive. (huh?)
More attractive:  Newt Gengrich or that guy on the oatmeal box?
Oatmeal guy.
Do or die?
Do. And then die.
If you could be any kiwi in the world, which one would you be?
The green one.
What's so magical about a magic marker?
The fact that it's so...purtty.
"Go go Gadget" what?
Go away.
What movie did Thomas J. die in?
He’s DEAD?  Good God, seems like only yesterday we were frolicking through the dewy meadows in our skivvies; life on our minds, love in our hearts (stop thinking that!)
How did you do that?
What?  THIS?
Favorite movie involving an imaginary friend?
You have got to be kidding me.
Favorite day of the week?
Christmas day.
Spell that song from Mary Poppins that's a word you say when you don't know what else to say.
N-O.
Who used to ride with a vending machine repair man?
The vending machine repair man’s riding partner.
So did it hurt?
Hell, I’m still bleeding.
Don't you just hate it when that guy sitting next to you bites you?
Oh, I wouldn’t say that.  Hate is a harsh word.  I mean, I don’t know about you, but it actually feels kind of GOOD.  Like an odd sort of massage...I mean sure, it’s not exactly socially acceptable, but who are we to judge?  If he likes biting and I like being bit, who has the right to stop us?  I mean, after all, when two young souls are as deeply in love as we are...er...I mean yeah, I hate it plenty.
Favorite Pez?
Toasted Pez.
Have you ever just had the urge to eat your pillow?
Burp.



There, wasn't that fun?



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